What do you say when you have no words?

I've come to a lot of realizations about myself this week. And I made some hard decisions. And yet - it always seems like when I make a good decision for myself and my family - something happens to make everything that much harder. And it is easy to just give up on those great decisions I made, because it is too hard. Because I'm too tired. Because . . . because I have no words to understand how it feels to finally feel proud of something I've decided only to have it thrown back in my face to the point that I don't know if it really was that great of a decision.

What do you say when you no longer know how to feel? When you no longer want to cry because you're just so tired of crying (and you're probably dehydrated anyway.) When you realize that your normal go-to-comfort-mechanisms are all unhealthy for you but you haven't figured out the healthy things to replace them. So you just sit. And stare. At a blank screen. With nothing to say.

So once again - I'll share a song that spoke to me on my way to work this morning.

The Hurt & The Healer by MercyMe

Why?

The question that is never far away

The healing doesn't come from the explained

Jesus please don't let this go in vain

You're all I have

All that remains

So here I am

What's left of me

Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I've fallen into Your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe

Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do

Pain so deep that I can hardly move

Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You

Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am

What's left of me

Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I've fallen into your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

It's the moment when humanity

Is overcome by majesty

When grace is ushered in for good

And all the scars are understood

When mercy takes its rightful place

And all these questions fade away

When out of the weakness we must bow

And hear You say "It's over now"

I'm alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I've fallen into your arms open wide

When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here

When the hurt and the healer collide 

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here